Pivotal day

I am really at a loss on how to start this entry on such a pivotal day for Scott, for us.  Through the roller coaster ride of emotions and thoughts  I will try to just give some facts first.

As Scott knew and myself what would happen if he ended up in a hospital, it would be the infections that would be his demise.  He now can add C-diff to his list.  It is a bacteria infection prevalent in hospitals.  One now must wear protective gowns and gloves when entering room.  His body is riddled with evidence of how his body has no more strength to fight this on slot of infection.   There is a distinct odor in the room that whispers decay.  He continues to be unresponsive to most commands and his eyes he does not open or cannot because they are so swollen shut. There is more now I am sure that I have not been made aware.

But, things are moving forward to get Scott his desires.  I got word yesterday afternoon that the "ethics" committee has rendered a decision that his case is not a matter of ethics. ......thanks.  Now it lies in the hands of the legal department to give their consent that his living will be honored but that could not happen yesterday because it was a holiday.  So this am when the legals are back in their office, we should have a complete answer.  I am finding the situation pathetic.  A hospital that is open 24/7, 365 days a year to receive all patients does not follow the same open door policy for those wanting to leave.  They will accept coming in on weekends and holidays but not going out and in the mist of all the bureaucratic red tape, a man suffers needlessly.

Yes, I am going to have to work on my bitterness to the"Man." But I can say the rainbow in this waiting game has been the support I have felt from my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  Yesterday, I was by myself most of the time at the hospital but I was not alone.  I needed that time to think. I have started a list of all the tender mercies and miracles we have experienced over the last couple of years as a family and I am already at two full pages and counting.  I also was blessed with clarity of mind and purpose to continue to be his voice and help him find his relief.  In talking with Hayden and HeartLee, they also have not been alone.  They have each felt in different ways and time tables, the sweetness of the Spirit comforting them and giving them the strength and conviction to continue on.

I do have family with me today for the minute we get the go ahead, we will be taking him off the ventilator and not administering anymore meds and procedures other then something for his pain and gagging.  I am hopeful and prayerful that for Scott today will be a day of happy reunions.

Dessie